I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
