You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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