idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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