You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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