using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
