The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
