Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
