I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
