i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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