Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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