Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
