Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
