i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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