Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
