i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
