I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
