it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
