Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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