i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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