2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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