He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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