i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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