I miss vodka workout Fridays
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
