I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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