Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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