Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
