well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize