Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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