I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
why is half of my head shaved?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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