I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
