ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
