arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
