I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
