If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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