my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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