Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
