Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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