It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
