will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
