covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
