She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
