I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
