I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
