How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
