Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
