Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
