we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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