both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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