Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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