I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
