I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
