maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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