I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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