I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
