Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
