My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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