Can Purell be used as lube?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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