I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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