She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize