woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
