Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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