Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she smelled like a LAN party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
