Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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