I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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