I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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